world of my own

Sunday, September 26, 2010

this sem is the busiest, mentally and emotionally draining i ever encountered

workloads are gonna increase tremendously in the next coming weeks

i foreseee sleepless nights

yet i still have time to watch dramas, variety shows, everything else but doing work

trying to abide by my motto, to play and work hard concurrently

such a procrastinator am i

still can't convince myself why i am doing somethings which have no relevance to me and which i have absolutely no interest

feel that i am wasting my precious time doing these essays

i wonder if i can survive this sem well

- peace out

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

didn't managed to celebrate mooncake festival this year again

wonder when will i ever celebrate again

feels so long ago when i last celebrated

today's tuition, seeing how excited tutee was because she was gonna carry lanterns thereafter

makes me think of myself when i was a kid

its her first time carrying the traditional lanterns which my generations were used to

kind of glad that traditional lanterns still exist and kids still get to play them apart from the new ones with all the music and stuff

its quite happy sometimes to hear tutee say they wanna do something for you although it may not happen eventually

despite all my rants about all my tutees, i think slowly getting to know them better i get to see the bright sides of them

how ironic it is

strangely now i look forward to tuitions....

getting to interact with people who are not your age, and seeing their innocent faces and curiosity make me feel good somehow

looking at these kids

i wished i had a better childhood for me to reminisce now

i barely remember much about mine

it is saddening

its heartwarming to see kids having their fun now

the stage where they have no worries

i wished i enjoyed that period more

instead of this stage in life where responsibities, fears and worries etc just get thrown all to you

we cannot do things any way we like

we have to learn to be cautious and think carefully

i wanna be a kid again

- peace out

Sunday, September 19, 2010

sometimes i rather i never existed in this world

- peace out

Saturday, September 11, 2010

i realised i can be very fierce if i really want to

first time i felt so guilty seeing a small kid cry becos of me

didn't know how to react at that time

i guess i would cry if its me as well

i am sorry

but i really want the best from you

hopefully one day you will understand why i do the hard way

- peace out

Friday, September 03, 2010

everything just came crashing back again

i really didn't expect all the feelings to come back

i thought everything will end

i thought i got over already

but now i realised actually i didn't at all

instead i feel like i am going out of control

why is it so tiring to like someone

i am tired of guessing

sometimes i really wonder whether i make the right decision

somehow i really regret my decision

but i guess its all too late

love is indeed blind and makes people irrational

i am such a coward

i keep giving my friends' advice

but when it comes to my turn

i know i couldn't

i finally know why they found it so hard to do it when i asked them

i am like them lacking courage

its really really not easy

during this period

i feel so useless that i cannot control how my brain functions

every weekend instead of doing work and burying myself in work to forget

now i have to burn my weekends going out with friends to escape the problem

and keep myself from thinking

sometimes i wish i can keep everything to myself

and act happy in front of the rest

i have been trying to keep some stuff in me as much as i can over the years

but now with another issue bothering me

i know if i continue keeping things to myself

i feel like the volcano in me is gonna explode

really thankful for those people who are always there for me

ensuring that i am fine and doing okay

once again i really thank you guys from the bottom of my heart...

- peace out

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

being a teacher is really not an easy job

especially since i am human and can be subjective

i need to learn to be objective to be a good teacher

its hard but i will try

its amazing how we are always more concerned about their results than themselves

sometimes i feel very lousy

asked myself whether i am a good teacher

i have learnt different sides of small kids

they can make yr blood boil

at times their innocence can make you happy

then again allowing me to temporarily return to the "childhood" world

reminising childhood stories and childhood cartoons

i wouldn't mind all these at all

how i wish i could return to be a kid where there are no worries

life is just simple

- peace out